Living through Change

Change is often spoken about as if it were a moment, but in lived experience, change is rarely a single point in time. Think about some changes you may have negotiated in life: moving school/college, a new job, end of a relationship, moving house, areas or countries, losing a loved one. Those are some of the more obvious bigger ones! But how about the gradual, cyclical, nuanced changes we don't always pause to acknowledge such as the aging process; watching children grow up; moving through the seasons...

These are all changes that require us to externally organise ourselves in a practical way as well as managing the associated internal feelings that come up in the transitional space - they can feel disorientating and require a reorganisation of the 'self'. Transitions ask something profound of us - to let go of one version of reality before the next one feels real and this is where resistance can come up!

William Bridges, Managing Transitions

What comes up when you read that quote? How are you with endings? Psychologist William Bridges acknowledges in his book 'Managing Transitions' that there are two useful distinctions in this:

• Change is the external event (a move, a new job, a loss)

• Transition is the internal process we go through to adapt

And it is that internal process that has its own rhythm. Bridges talks about us moving through 'Three Phases of Transition' - ending, losing, letting go. So, before anything new can begin, something must end.

Even positive changes involve loss: a new job means losing familiarity or identity; moving house means leaving behind and uprooting from a place filled with memory; personal growth often requires letting go of who we were. This phase can bring with it many reactions: resistance or denial; sadness, anger, or nostalgia; a sense of destabilisation.

What’s important here is recognising that difficulty doesn’t mean the change is wrong, it means something really mattered to you. We each work through transitions in our own way, this process is not linear and there is no right or wrong way to move through it. In the therapy room I often use this Blob Bridge resource to discuss the process of change and then feel into which Blobs reflect the emotions the transition can bring up for a person. The great thing about using this resource is it enables you to unpack all the different, often complex feelings and see them visually represented by each Blob.

Try if for yourself, reflect on a change you have managed recently or are considering presently, then ask yourself:

1. Which Blob in the image am I drawn to when I think about managing the current change?

2. If this Blob could talk what would it say?

3. Does my Blob notice any other Blobs in the scene? Which ones?

4. If the Blobs had a colour what would they be?

5. If I could move my Blob to any other position - which would I choose and why?

6. Is there a Blob on the image that wants me to know something? What would it say?

Why change can feel so hard

Change challenges several core psychological needs:

• Predictability - The brain prefers certainty and change disrupts our internal map of the world.

• Identity - We don’t just lose situations, we lose versions of ourselves.

• Attachment - Places, roles and people become emotionally embedded. Letting go can feel like a form of grief. This is why transitions often feel like loss, even when they are chosen or positive.

The body during transitions

It's also important to acknowledge that change is not just cognitive - it is physiological. People often experience: sleep disruption; changes in appetite; tension or fatigue; heightened anxiety - This is because the nervous system is adjusting to uncertainty. The body, like the mind, needs time to process this. Working somatically can help you process the physiological responses - more info here and some useful vagus nerve exercises.

The overlap between change and grief

We have acknowledged that many transitions carry elements of grief. The Kubler-Ross model is often used as a tool in understanding how we each face an ending. This model was originally written to describe the emotional responses of people facing terminal illness, but it is often used today as a framework for understanding how we navigate grief and change more broadly.

The five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, can be seen as natural reactions, whether that is loss, transition, or uncertainty.

In the context of change:

• Denial may show up as resistance or disbelief

• Anger as frustration at what feels out of our control

• Bargaining as attempts to regain stability

• Depression as a recognition of what has been lost

• Acceptance as a gradual integration of the new reality.

Importantly, this is a reminder that these stages are not linear or universal; people move between them in their own way and time. Rather than a fixed pathway, the model is best understood as a way of naming the emotional terrain of transition and helping us recognise that our responses to change are normal, varied and part of an ongoing process of adaptation.

How can we adapt to change

In my work with my clients I have witnessed that these steps can support healthy transitions:

1. Acknowledging an ending: naming what is being lost helps prevent it from being carried unconsciously.

2. Tolerating the in-between: not rushing the neutral zone allows deeper adjustment.

3. Maintaining continuity: keeping small familiar routines or objects creates stability.

4. Meaning-making: reflect on these by asking yourself:

   1. What does this change represent?

   2. What am I learning?

   3. Who am I becoming?

5. Seek connection: transitions are easier when shared - we regulate through close bonds and healthy relationships.

In the end, models like Kübler-Ross or Bridge’s do not provide a fixed roadmap through change, but rather a language for understanding the emotional complexity that transitions can bring. Change, whether chosen or imposed, often stirs responses that echo grief, reminding us that adaptation is not simply practical, but deeply psychological. By recognising these reactions as natural rather than problematic, we can move through periods of uncertainty with greater self-compassion and patience.

Ultimately, managing change is not about progressing neatly from one stage to another, but about allowing space for the full range of human experience as we gradually come to terms with endings, navigate the unknown and begin, in time, to integrate what is new.

Resources:

• 'Managing Transitions', William Bridges, John Murray Press, 2017

• 'On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss', Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D., Scribner, 2005

• 'Blob Tree', Pip Wilson and Ian Long, 2005, https://www.blobtree.com/